not sure what to make of all this

I'm aware I've been really reclusive lately. It's nothing to do with anyone except me, so please don't worry. I'm having anxiety issues, but I'm not ingesting weird chemicals and having subsequent horrors. On the surface, everything is good, and it seems OkCupid may be coming through for me yet again. Enough on the latter subject. Back to the anxiety issues:

Warnings From World Leaders All Within 72 Hours

A Second 9/11

U.S. Is Funding Iranian Nuclear Program

So... yeah. Fear-mongering? Maybe. It wouldn't surprise me. I've seen the whole "We're in for another terrorist attack! Remain loyal to your corporate-controlled government! Only STATE-OWNED media will give you the truth!" spiel before. Nothing ever happens.

On the other hand... I've had a seriously bad feeling for about a month now. I've learned to pay attention to these.

Part of my anxiety is the result of my finally processing and letting go of the past three years or so. In a nutshell, this time period, despite all the fun and nonsense and adventure, was, on a deeper level, about me facing my Jungian "shadow", as well as my past. And so I've been playing out this weird shadow puppet drama, with an improvised script and all my best and worst qualities out on display, because the only way you *can* face your shadow is to run out there and meet it head-on. You can sit at home and analyze it all you want, but until you actually get out there and deal with it in practice, you're not going to get anywhere.

At least that's how it is for me. But as a result, I've made a lot of mistakes, I've lost a lot of people and situations that were dear to me, and the resultant guilt was enough to propel me into my first and hopefully only foray into the delightful world of serious depression, which lasted from about January 2007 until April or May 2008.

But I've beaten that, too, and come out stronger, happier, and more independent. I've been increasingly more and more able to put it all behind me, to not get caught up in useless nostalgia for the good times, and to not get sacked by guilt and sadness over the bad times. "Letting go", though, is a difficult process, and it's not surprising it's caused me quite a bit of anxiety recently.

I don't feel, however, that this is the *only* reason behind my anxiety, though. I've had similar feelings before, though never like this, and... I don't know. Something feels very, very wrong.

My question is, though, what can we do? I'm already working on a (probably wildly unimportant) website aimed at bringing people together a la Facebook but minus the inherent divisiveness. If I think of anything else, I'll do that as well, but.. will it be enough, should something unthinkable happen?

If the economy collapses, will everyone I know and love be all right? And this is of course being well aware that the economy collapsing is a *pleasant* scenario compared to some of the other possibilities.

I'm stocking up on rice, beans, and canned vegetables. I suppose I should stock up on bottled water, as well.

Am I being completely paranoid? Probably. Is everything going to be okay? Possibly, though the current economic crisis is a very real and very powerful reminder that maybe things aren't all sweetness and light out there.

I just wish some sort of higher power would come down and give me even a hint of what's going to happen. I hate waiting for anything.